Florida Man: Judge Begged To Reverse Bitcoin Cash Fork

Florida may well be blessed with America’s deepest reserve of unexpected comedy*. From drunken joyrides on Walmart scooters to armed Pizza Robberies, from wrestling gators to equine courtships, residents of the Sunshine State have provided a never-ending supply of unintentionally hilarious headlines. 

Now the “World’s Worst Superhero” is stepping into the cryptocurrency business. In a press release yesterday, a Florida-based company announced a lawsuit against the leading figures of Bitcoin Cash—including Roger Ver, Amaury Sechet, Jihan Wu, Kraken and Bitmain—over the Bitcoin Cash fork which occurred last month. Miami-based “United American Corp” says that the defendants “colluded to effectively hijack the Bitcoin Cash network” by using rented hash power and preventing chain reorgs during the hard fork last month. 

 In a Brief filed in the US District Court for Southern Florida, UnitedCorp accused Bitmain et al. of violating the Sherman and Clayton Acts, which prohibit competitors from forming “trusts” to manipulate prices. 

Attorneys for the Plaintiff asked the court for an injunction against Bitcoin ABC from any action that “would prevent the resulting chains from being able to be re-merged,” as well as an unstated amount of damages and interest. 

In preparation for the suit, lawyers for the asshats plaintiffs martialed a mass of evidence, including YouTube screenshots and the entire text of the Bitcoin white paper. 

Sticklers will point out that this may not be a true Florida Man sighting, since most of UnitedCorp’s C-suite “executives” are based in Quebec. However, the Francophone province has been called the “Florida of Canada.”

 “In order to maintain confidence in cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin Cash, no person or entity can be allowed to control them,” said UnitedCorp CEO and aspiring Florida Man Benoit Laliberte, in a press release detailing his demand for courts to take control over the cryptocurrency. 

The press release does not disclose how many of Pabst’s Blue-Ribbon potations were involved when the lawsuit was launched, or if the CEO’s comments were preceded by the words “Hold My Beer.” 

This is not the first time UnitedCorp ventured into the area of corporate law. Last year the company —which counts its quarterly profits in tens of thousands of dollars—issued “Cease and Desist” orders against two internet giants, claiming that Facebook’s Frames and Instagram’s Geostickers’ infringed on UnitedCorp patents. 

As far as we can tell, Facebook and Instagram are still going strong.

*We were going to insert a facetious remark about Washington D.C. here, but remembered just in time that Mar-a-Lago is, in fact, also in Florida.

The author owns Bitcoin and Bitcoin Cash, which are mentioned in this article.